Of the countless changes that follow a newborn, I’ve learned our relationships tend to have a boiling frog effect; nothing really noticeable at first, but over time – we’re both wondering what went wrong.
My husband and I were friends before lovers and lovers before newlyweds, and eventually parents. I always thought nagging wives were such a bore and that my husband and I would never be one of those couples. Lesson number one: never say never ;)
I should start by saying that I’m a Certified Integrative Health Coach and I focus on four major areas in my coaching: career, spirituality, physical activity and relationships. We all know relationships are work, but they can prove to be a whole lot of extra work when little people arrive on the scene.
I’ve taken a number of polls asking women about the biggest changes in their relationships after baby and the top 3 responses are:
- As the Mom, I'm responsible for everything
- My Spouse/Partner can't read my mind
- We don't spend quality time together
Does any of that ring true to you?
I first noticed feelings of resentment when I was eight months pregnant and experiencing all sorts of discomforts while my husband slept (and by slept, I mean snored) soundly through the night. And then again when I was struggling with figuring out my newborn at home while he worked all day and came home a little more distant each time… or when he tried to step in and help and I would get frustrated because I felt he was “doing it all wrong”.
There are many factors that played into the person I never thought I’d become, especially after such a joyous time in our lives– but I’m so grateful we recognized something was “off” and were able to do something about it sooner rather than years down the road.
It really helped me to connect with other new moms who were experiencing so much change, so fast. If you find yourself in a similar situation, I’d like to say that a) you’re not alone and b) awareness is a first huge step.
When we have awareness, we can step into the space of opportunity to create a plan or solution.
If this sounds like something you’d like to further explore - I’d love to for you to join the ohmMother Yoga community in our special workshop Happily After Baby? on November 2nd at 7 PM, single attendees AND couples are welcome! Register here.
In Health and Love,
Daisy De La Cruz, Founder & Certified Integrative Health Coach